“Here I am.” A phrase that has always stood out to me in the Bible. In the past, it was the call of Samuel in 1 Samuel. “Here I am,” again and again he called out to Eli until he was redirected to the Lord. And once He heard his voice again, he knew, and he said: “Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening.”
It also stood out to me in Isaiah 6:8 when the Lord asked, “who shall I send?” and Isaiah said, “here am I.”
I’ve always been blown away by this level of obedience. To say, “here I am,” whenever the Lord calls–an open willingness to do what He asks before even knowing what the request will be. That’s faith. That’s love. That’s obedience. And that’s a faith, love, and obedience that comes from knowing you have a good and loving Father.
In my early and mid-20s, I was so good about saying “Here I am, Lord.” There wasn’t a doubt or fear in my mind. It was easy to say yes to Him, not just because I loved Him, but quite frankly, I didn’t really have anything to lose at the time. I was fully engulfed in my love of the Lord, there was nothing else more important in my life.
Anddd que my mid-20s–I finally had something to lose. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my “Here I am, Lord” started to fade. It became less about Him and more about me and not losing what He had so graciously blessed me with. I was more concerned with protecting what He had blessed me with instead of trusting the One who had blessed me in the first place to sustain my gifts. Silly me. Those gifts were always safer in His hands than they ever would’ve been in mine.
Now, in my late-20s, I’m reminded of the power of the phrase “Here I am.” Specifically, by Abraham. I’m genuinely in awe of Abraham and the life of faith he lived. I long to have a faith as secure and trusting as his.
Abraham’s “here I am,” came at a great cost–the call to sacrifice his son, Isaac. I can’t even imagine. This is particularly hard to imagine for me because God had promised Abraham that He would fulfill His word to him through Isaac…and now he was supposed to sacrifice him?! No way. At least, that’s how I feel in my mere human-ness.
In this story, we don’t get any insight into Abraham’s thoughts, but I can tell you what I observe:
- Abraham didn’t push back. He didn’t say, “Are You sure, God?” or “What about the promise You made me? How will it come to pass?” He just obeyed.
- There were lots of opportunities to turn around or chicken out, but he didn’t
- That night while sleeping
- While cutting the wood
- While loading his donkeys with supplies
- On the THREE DAY JOURNEY to the mountain
- On the walk up the mountain
- When Isaac questioned where the lamb for the burnt offering was
- While tying up Isaac to be sacrificed
I think you get the picture–there was a lot of opportunity for Abraham to change his mind, but he didn’t. Maybe he FELT like it, but he didn’t act on his feelings, he acted on what the Lord had asked him to do.
I also love that while in his obedience to do what God had asked, he still held out faith in the Lord’s provision. For example:
- Telling his servants “We [Abraham and Isaac] will worship and then we will come back to you.” (Gen. 22:5)
- He knew that he would come back with Isaac. He spoke that in faith.
- When Isaac asked Abraham where the lamb for the offering was, he said, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son,” (Gen. 22:8)
- He believed that the Lord would provide a lamb for offering
And spoiler alert! God DID provide for Abraham. He didn’t end up having to sacrifice Isaac, and yet, the only reason he didn’t is because an angel of the Lord stopped him and he said, “here I am,” still–the faithful call to the Lord, even when the last call was likely the biggest sacrifice he could ever possibly make.
I honestly don’t know how Abraham did it. I don’t know how he fully committed to what the Lord asked of him, while simultaneously believing that the Lord would provide in a way that was opposite of what he had been instructed to do. I don’t know how he answered the call of the Lord again after the previous call had cost him so much. I. Don’t. Know. But what I do know is that I can learn from him.
When the angel called and told him not to sacrifice Isaac he said, “Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son,” (Gen. 22:12).
I wanna be like Abraham. I want to fear God to the point that I’m not willing to withhold anything from Him. I want Him to have it all. Right now, I feel like Abraham. I feel the Lord saying, “Taylor,” and honestly? I don’t want to answer. Or, I guess I didn’t want to answer, but I did. And guess what? It’s costing me something. It’s costing me in a way that feels metaphorically as significant as Abraham being asked to sacrifice his son. And guess what? I hate it. I really want to fight it. Some days I’m like, “are you sure, God?” or “How will this work God?” or “I don’t understand.”
And the truth is–I don’t have to understand. I just get to choose to have faith. I get to choose that I believe in and serve a Good Father. A Father that withholds no good things from His children. A Father who is more concerned with the state of His childrens’ hearts than just making them happy. Life is so much more than being happy, because happiness is fleeting. It’s about joy, contentment, compassion, peace, etc.
In this season, I feel the Lord instilling a new level of fear for Him into my heart. Because currently, I don’t know if I fear Him enough to give Him everything. Or better said–I thought I feared Him enough to give Him everything and turns out, I didn’t. And I need to. And this pruning and growth has SUCKED. My heart grieves what I’ve lost in this season, and yet, it also looks forward with great expectancy for the year ahead. My heart looks forward to the opportunity to learn and grow and to truly work on complete and utter reverence for Him–no strings attached. It’s all for Him and all about Him at all times.
Some days, I do great at that, other days, I wanna fight it. But every day, I choose to submit the fight to Him…and I submit it extra on the days I really wanna fight, haha. My goal this year is to be a “Here I am, Lord,” woman–no matter the ask.
Unfortunately (fortunately?), I’ve heard another “Taylor,” and it’s a, “Taylor,” I’ve been hearing for years, but have always been too afraid to answer…but that changes this year. This year I’ve said, “Here I am, Lord. Speak, Your servant is listening.” And He’s said, “I want you to write…it’s time for you to write.”
So Here I am, Lord. I’m ready to write.
As You Are 